Grieving? Focus on the Memories, Not the Loss

Pam Shultz

Grief: To be sorrowful, distressed, to mourn. In the last several months, I have done all of these. I have been filled with sorrow from loss, highly distressed from dealing with sadness on top of the everyday realities of running two companies and trying to function productively. I have mourned the loss of a dear friend in October, and two mother-in-laws, one in November and one in Jan. This sudden loss brought back the reality of my mom, dad and brothers passing in 2008.

Grief is different for everyone. To experience death in such volume as I have the last few years, has given me a different perspective. We know the cycle of life ends with death, making it the end of our journey, therefore life is not fully lived until we die. Being told the last bodily function to go was hearing, actually made me happy. Knowing I could communicate my deepest thoughts and feelings with them before they passed, whether it was a phone held to their ear or in person, knowing they took those last loving words with them, helped me to deal with the sadness.

I am a bit of a control freak and I did find myself struggling to focus on my businesses. I was not in the mood to do anything yet there were so many things to keep up on. I delegated my contractors to oversee working jobs, I planned, organized and continued open communication daily via emails and texts, problem solved issues with vendors by three-way calling them with my contractors, I skyped with clients to keep that personal touch present, utilizing every possible option I had.

I accepted offers of assistance from family, friends and co-workers to keep things running smoothly. They all understood what I was going through and were eager to help where they could. I also found it was ok to grieve around them when I got back, they knew when it was a good day or bad day and they helped make things better. I am back to work thanks to my support system, happy and whole. I still shed tears on occasion and that’s ok. They are tears of happiness, more so from the memories now, than the loss.

About Pam Shultz

Pam Shultz-Kovalewski has built two companies since 2002. The Frugal Decorator specializing in beautiful rooms and remodels on a budget and Moving Maniacs a specialty moving company focused on local and national executive moves on a budget and senior moving services. She started her companies during a period of deep adversity in her life and her life story compels her to inspire other women to succeed at self, at family, at community and at careers no matter their situation.

Her desire to motivate and inspire women in their personal and professional success, teach them how to live frugally in a tough economy and give them tools to help them succeed. These are the things that make her feel truly connected to the community in which she lives and works. An active volunteer for the American Legion Post 143 Auxiliary, supporting our soldiers and vets, as well as the Leadership Chairman for the Tri County Council of the Legion Auxiliary, a Board member, program committee co-chair, and mentor for Central PA Assoc of Female Executives, and a member of various local networking and business groups. She firmly believes women are the core base of any community, and a healthy, vibrant and successful core, makes for a healthy, vibrant and successful community.

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